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By: Chris Watson
Scenario Joe is a lead guitarist in a covers / remake band. He is a good
guitarist and cool under pressure. He plays for a band called
the Psycho Nymphos. They are a five piece band with two
guitarist, keys, bass and drums. The other guitarist also
doubles as the singer. Yet this is Joe's nightmare. As a
guitarist, this scenario should induce uncontrollable trembling
of all body parts and have you soiling your underwear. This, is
the gig from hell. Thinking that he starts at 10:00, Joe shows up at the venue with
two hours to spare. Well, it would be two hours to spare, but
Joe got given the wrong information. The Band is due to start at
8:30 and Joe hasn't even unpacked his gear yet, let alone set
up. They had been trying to call Joe on his phone, but it was
switched off. Joe, keeping cool, unpacks his car in a hurry and
somehow manages to get everything set up only 10 minutes late.
The crowd is getting restless and the bar manager is furious.
Joe is keeping his cool. No sooner than finishing his finally tune up, the Nymphos start.
After another minute of working out what song to play, the
Nymphos kick off their first song. It sounds terrible, with
Joe's guitar to quiet and bass guitar too loud. The band plays
the song half heartedly while they adjust levels and try to get
things right. The crowd is wondering what the hell is going on,
and the bar manager is wondering who the hell he hired and why.
Joe is a little frustrated. After standing around working out what to play next, the band
begins the second song as suggested by the drummer. This one
sounds better until the first chorus. Half way through the first
chorus... TWANG.... Joe busts a string. Joe makes do for the
time being until the solo, when he realizes that the guitar solo
is going to be somewhat difficult with only 5 strings. Joe
fumbles his way through until the end of the song. Joe is very
embarrassed. The band stands around for a minute or two while Joe replaces
the broken string. Once that is done they kick off into the next
song. This one goes OK, and the crowd seems to be getting into
it a little bit more. The bar manager is starting to relax, and
Joe is starting to enjoy himself. In fact, everyone is enjoying themselves. And their beers. A
little too much. The Nymphos are starting to get a little sloppy
and starting to miss cues. Especially the singer. He is starting
to miss when he is supposed to be coming in, and slurring words.
While the boys in the band are finding it hilarious, the crowd
are not. Joe is starting to get tipsy. The next song Joe's guitar starts making funny noises, and the
sound starts cutting out. Eventually Joe's guitar disappears. He
randomly stomps on some pedals and realizes that there is no
power. He was sure those 9 volt batteries were still good. Joe
unplugs his guitar lead from the pedal board and plugs it
straight into his amp. Joe is getting angry, just like the crowd
and the bar manager. Two songs from the end, the stage goes
black. All the amps turn off and all that can be heard is the
drummer pounding away. After a few seconds all of the Nymphos
are standing around, looking stupid wondering what is going on.
About 30 seconds later, the power returns. The band chats
quickly and decides to start the song again. This time they get
through it all. They play there last song the few remaining
patrons, pack up, pick up their cheque and leave the bar, never
to return. Could it get any worse for Joe and his band, the Psycho Nymphos?
I doubt it. But they could have survived all of these problems
by being prepared. It may seem insurmountable, but I have played
a gig where nearly all of this happened in one night, and we
survived. It's all preparation. This is what you need to do to
survive this nightmare. ALWAYS STAY IN CONTACT There is no excuse to be late to a gig. With today's modern
communications technology, everyone has the potential to be
contactable all of the time. Even if Joe got the time wrong, a
simple phone call would have solved all the problems. However,
it is always a great idea for a band to meet at a central
location at some point before a show, and travel together
"convoy" style if possible. This is a sure fire way to make sure
everyone arrives on time, doesn't get lost, or can get
assistance if something does go wrong. The spill over effect of this is that when you arrive on time,
you can take your time and set up properly, sound check, as well
as check your equipment for problems and in general, relax
before the show starts. KNOW WHAT SONG COMES NEXT Unless you are some freeform jam rock improv jazz type thing,
you need to know what you are going to play. Every member of the
band should know what song is coming next so they can prepare
for it without having to debate first what song to play in the
first place. Have a set list in sight for every member of the
band. Know in advance what songs may require guitar changes or
change of tuning so that you don't kick off the tune until
everyone is ready. Moments like that are easily filled with some
banter, usually between the singer and the audience. ALWAYS KEEP A SPARE It's not always possible, but you should aim to have a backup
guitar ready to go at all times. This is especially true for a
band with two guitarists like the Nymphos. With the second
guitarist still playing, and your backup guitar primed for
playing, it is more than feasible to switch guitars mid song. It
takes about 10 seconds and looks very professional. Even if you
are the only guitarist, depending on the song you can sometimes
get away with it as well. However sometimes you just have to
grit your teeth and get through it. Once the song is over you
can grab you backup guitar and play the rest of the set without
keeping everyone hanging around while you change a string.
Change it between sets or if you only have one set then don't
bother. If you can't keep a spare guitar handy and need to change
strings, have some backup material. This applies to all band
members. You should have a song that can be played when any
member of the band is incapacitated. Then any running repairs
can be made while the rest of the band covers. STAY SOBER / CLEAN / STRAIGHT It doesn't matter what you think, you do not sound better when
you are smashed. Sure, maybe to your ears, but not to mine or
anyone else's. A few years ago, I remember playing a huge New
Years Eve show where there were two bands. There was us playing
inside, and the main band playing on the outside stage. The
other band I had seen many times before and they were great. In
fact they were one of the most popular bands to play this
particular venue. In between sets, they were heading up to their
rooms, getting stoned and drunk, then coming back down to play
their set is a semi comatose state. We were inside, enjoying a
few drinks between sets and keeping it together. Our sets
overlapped slightly and by the end of the night, whenever both
bands were playing, inside was packed and outside the other band
was ignored. The following year, we were asked back to play New
Years again as the only band. In fact after that New Years gig
we were booked regularly to play both nights of the weekend
every month (think about that for a second, we were booked for
25% of that venues available shows). It may be fun to get tanked
and play, but it won't get you anywhere. NEVER TRUST A BATTERY To this day I still cannot believe people run their effects off
batteries. It is just a disaster waiting to happen. Sure, I have
batteries in my pedals that I swap out every few months. But
they are the BACKUP for when some drunken idiot in the crowd
falls onto the stage and pulls out a power lead or something
similar. Or perhaps you accidentally leave a cable plugged in
between sets and the battery drains on you. If you do need to
run off battery, work out how long they last and change the
battery in half that time. This should help avoid unwanted
failures at critical times, and make sure you have extra
batteries. By the way, have you ever heard the sound a Tube Screamer makes
when it's failing? It's awful. WE DON'T NEED NO STINKING ELECTRICITY There is not a lot you can do about this but ride it out.
Although it's not as bad as it sounds. When a venue looses
power, you can be sure it will be up in less than minute unless
something MAJOR has gone wrong, in which case the venue will
normally shut if it is a building wide blackout. So for the next
60 seconds, what do you do? It's easy. Nobody stops. The entire
band keeps playing. The singer goes to the front of the stage
and starts yelling the lyrics at the crowd. I am yet to see this
not work. The crowd will start singing back. When the power
kicks back in the band hasn't missed a beat and the crowd will
go crazy. It is slick and professional and will fire up the
crowd for the rest of the night. If it goes over the 60 seconds just finish the song and wait.
Not much more you can do, but at least you tried. JUST BE PREPAIRED If you are prepared and use common sense, you can cope with any
disaster. I personally have had all these issues, besides the
drunken stupidity, happen in one night, and we survived by
having an escape plan and sticking to it. It's not that hard to
come up with your own emergency escape route, and I hope these
examples can inspire you to be even more gig ready. About the author:
Chris Watson is a professional musician from Nwcastle, Australia
and runs http://guitartoybox.com
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